The day I got the phone call was the worst day of my life, or so I thought. My name is Claire and I live in New York City. Sometimes I wish I lived in a Hamlet, make things more easier, you know? Well anyways, when I got the phone call I was 22 years old and I was madly in love with a boy named Brad. He was very amicable, tall, had brown hair and the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen on a man. Also he had this strange pallor to him, but it all worked out. He was in the army and was shipped off to Iraq after 2 years of us being married.
On Tuesday, August 17, 2007, the phone rang. I ran to the phone and picked up nervously. I hadn’t been getting letters from brad, and it worried me. I answered:
“Hello?”
A man with a deep voice answered me, “Hello, Mrs. Manning?”
“Yes, this is her. May I ask who is calling?”
“My name is Mr. Monser and I am the doctor who gets injury calls from Iraq. I received a call about 30 minutes ago that you may want to hear. This morning around 9:28 am, your husband, Brad Manning, was reported dead. I am very sorry ma’am. We will be over sometime this week to discuss memorials.”
As soon as he said that, I dropped the phone and cried. My whole body was numb and I didn’t know what to do at that moment. I had just lost the one person I really loved and had to myself. This was all so unheralded. I felt feeble and I just fell to the ground. I’m pretty sure the man called my neighbors because a covey of them ran over and helped me off of the ground and tried to calm me down. For years after, I sat in my home, went out rarely, and just mourned the death of Brad. He was all I wanted, and there was no way of getting him.
It was September 28, 2009 when he caught my eye. The date reminded me of Brad, he was reported dead at 9:28 on his day of death. Anyways, I was walking down the street on my way to a bar to meet some of my girlfriends and I was excited to be out again. I probably looked like i had xenophobia since I wasn’t used to seeing all of these people, but it was nice. All of the lights on the streets gave me some strange pleasure, and i really liked it.
As I walked into the bar, heads turned. People knew who I was. “Oh look, that’s the army wife whose husband got killed.” That is what they say. I ignored the stares and whispers and walked straight over to my best friend. Her name is Kallie and she is the best person in the world. She visited me everyday and sat in my room while I just cried. She gave me a huge hug and then I moved to my other two best friends, Jessica and Nora. They were also there everyday to bring me dinner and I was so happy at that moment to be with the three girls that meant most to me.
We were laughing and smiling and reminiscing. Also our 24 year old selves couldn’t help but have a drink. While we were talking about some of our best memories from high school, a handsome man walked over to me. As I looked at him, something about him looked so familiar. I just couldn’t pick it out. As I stood up and introduced myself, I realized what it was: he had beautiful blue eyes, just like Brad.
“Hello, ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice you sitting over here without a man by your side. My name is Jacob and I would like to change that.” He said with a wink and a smile. I could not resist and my friends were practically pushing me into him, so I went and had a dance with him and he bought me a drink. He was just so benevolent and adorable! We sat down after a while and started talking about each other’s lives. As I told him my story, I could tell it hurt even him. So as I finished my story, we were talking for hours, and it was time to go. We exchanged numbers and left each other with the best hug I have ever received.
Jacob called me the next day and asked if I would meet him for lunch at a diner. I told him that I would see him there. As I walked to the diner, my heart was pounding. I just kept asking myself: How is this happening? Do I actually care for someone again? Can he handle all of my past and still love me for me? He met me at the door and we talked for so long. At the end of that lunch, we decided it would be a daily ritual. Jacob and I had lunch every day for 9 months. After those 9 months, I knew I was in love. We were dating by then, and he was all I wanted.
On September 28, 2010 Jacob asked me to dinner rather than lunch. I didn’t know why we needed to change the time, but I went with it. As I walked into dinner, I saw that no one was there. All I saw was Jacob sitting there willy at a table. I was a little leery and taut, but as I sat down, Jacob told me something.
“Claire, I’ve been hiding something from you for the past year. The day I met you the story you told had me too heart broken to tell you. But before I tell you that, I wanted to tell you something else. I greatly extol you and everything you've been through. I just want to let you know that I love you, and I want to be with you forever,” he then got down on one knee, “will you marry me?”
I was in complete shock. I didn’t know what to say or think. Thos four words alleviated any memory of Brad and all I could think about was Jacob. So I just nodded my head and started bawling. He stood up, gave me a kiss and a hug, and sat down to eat. But before we could eat, I was still pondering on what he had to tell me. “So what was it you wanted to tell me?” I asked.
“Well, I didn’t want you to not get to know the real me, so I never told you this. Also this would have deffinatly become a quandary and I didn't want that. But anyways, I am in the army and I was ceded to be shipped to Iraq within the next year.”
When he said that, I got almost the same feeling I got as the phone call. I did not know what to think at all. "How could you hide this from me? After all you know I have been through. Why?" Luckily no one was in there to see me that much of a mess. Jacob tried to calm me down but at that point, I didn't even want to see his face. I stormed out of the restaurant without a single look back.
***
As I walked down the street and looked into a window, I saw him. I knew who that man was. Its now August of 2017, and I have not felt the same about any man since Jacob. The man looked back at me, so I decided to take a closer look. When I got closer, I knew that man immediately. He also knew who I was. It was Jacob.
He got out of his chair and ran towards me. He gave me a hug and it brought me back 8 years earlier when we first met. I fell in love with him all over again. I sat with him and his friends from Iraq and they explained it all. But the whole time they were explaining all I could look at was Jacob's beautiful blue eyes.
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8 comments:
The main conflict in Megan's story was that Claire had lost her first husband in the Iraqi war, and is trying to live with the pain of his death. This conflict is internal because it is about Claire overcoming her sadness and getting back into her life again. This conflict was resolved when Claire met and fell in love with Jacob, only to find out he was going over to Iraq in the near future and left him. Seven years later, they meet each other again and fall in love just like before. I found the main conflict and the subconflict very intriguing because they were both dealing with the joy of love and the pain of deaths and losing people you love, which has always grabbed my attention. To make the story more dramatic, though, Megan could maybe make the spread of time in the story a bit shorter just so that there aren't too big of gaps between narrative points.
The protagonist in Megan's story is Claire, a recent widow from NYC who has just fallen in love again. In the beginning, she seems to be very depressed and completely obsessed over the fact that her husband is dead, but after meting Jacob and falling in love with him, Claire becomes a much happier person over all, and can now just miss her husband instead of bursting into tears whenever she thinks of him. If her attitude towards others hadn't changed from the beginning of the story, then she might never have been able to go to the bar that night with her friends and meet Jacob, which would have extended her depression even further.
My favorite part of Megan's story was the rising action, when she was talking about how Claire finally came out of her shell to g to the bar with some friends. "I was walking down the street on my way to a bar to meet some of my girlfriends and I was excited to be out again. I wasn’t used to seeing all of these people, but it was nice." I liked this passage because it showed the reader that Claire was a bit hesitant on the idea of going out in public, but she was willing to go anyways and ready to start her life again after two yers of mourning Brad.
I think that the best part about this story was the characters Claire and Jacob because they seemed so realistic and lifelike. The relationship between these two is very common for people of that age who are still trying to sort out their lives, and their chemistry was very enthusiastic. I just really felt a connection to Claire because of how her life was portrayed through Megan's eyes.
This story's theme is about moving on after something tragic happens in your life, and about learning how to live with the pain and get your life back on its feet. The theme was evident once Claire met Jacob and she was starting to put her life back together after losing her husband. She also had to get over the fact that she had fallen in love with another soldier, so being able to accept things as they are is another part of the theme.
Before grading, I just have a few things that I think Megan sould work on. Firstly, I would go through the story and get rid of words such as "sketchy" and "ma'am" and others like that just to clean it up a little and make it sound more professional. Also, "the office where we help soldiers who have been injured in war" might sound more like the doctor knows what he's talking about if you say something more like "the injured soldier's hospital at Baghdad" or anything like that. Secondly, you may want to shorten the amount of time over which the story takes place because it just seemed a bit too spread out between narrated points to me. Lastly, the underlying conflict between Claire and her mother seems a bit unnecessary, so I would suggest either eliminating it all together or making it more a part of the rest of the story just to tie up any lose ends there. Overall though, great job Megan!
Nice Job Megan =)
I. The conflict of the story was that Claire has lost her one true love and she misses him so dearly. This was an internal conflict because she just couldnt get him out of her head and she was letting the loss of him destroy her life.This was resolved by Claire finding another guy who reminded her of her old love and she started to live her life again.I was really into the resolution of the conflict, because it just made me so happy to know she could start a new life and he would always be part of her even though he isnt there.I think the story could of been more dramatic by claires husband not dying away from her, but infront of her.
II. The character changes over time , by Claire, in the beggining, thinking that there was nothing else in life to live for and she just didnt even want to go anywhere, and then she takes a risk and goes out, meets a guy who reminds her of her old love, and then ends up finding out that there is more to life then just a guy and that there is always someone out there for everyone and you just have to not give up. I think her greatest accomplishment is that she was able to find her love in someone else and was able to be happy.The change of the character was important because it makes the story worth reading still. You wouldnt just want to read a story about a depressed women, you want to read a story about how the women becomes stronger. The story would of been boring and i wouldnt of read it.
III. My favorite part in the story is when Claire met the new guy. This took place in the rising action."While we were talking about some of our best memories from high school, a handsome man walked over to me. As I looked at him, something about him looked so familiar. I just couldn’t pick it out. As I stood up and introduced myself, I realized what it was: he had beautiful blue eyes, just like Brad." this stood out to me because it just makes you really feel like how she is feeling when she sees her husband in someone else.
the conflict of megans story i think is that clare lost her husband in a war and is trying to move on with her life but its killing her inside. this is an enternal. its resolved when clare meets jacob and she falls in love all over again.
clare changes by in the beginning she is trying to move on even though her husband had just died. by the end she falls in love all over again. if this character's husband didnt die, then she would have never met jacob, then the story would be totally different.
My favorite part is when she finally fell in love with jacob. it was good to know that clare could love again. this part appears in the climax i think.
the best quality of the story i think is the conflict. and how megan developed the story overall. it was good, and it kept me wondering and wanting to read :)
the theme in this story i think is never give up. thats because once clare lost brad, she thought it was the end of the world. but once she met jacob, it was like she was reborn.
ideas/tips for megan is just reread your story and check for errors, but to me, i feel like you didnt have any. otherwise your story was VERY enjoyable and i loved it. lovee you megan and GREAT job :) !
Desi continued.....
IV. I think the stories best quality was its characters. She did a good job with them. She really made you feel like you knew the person and you knew what they were going through. It really made you think and feel the emotions with the characters.
V. I think the theme of the story is, even though a person is gone, they will always be with you somehow. The author makes this theme create by the main character losing her husband, then finding a guy who reminds her of him.
VI.the only revise tips i can give you is reread your story and if something doesnt sound right, tweek it. To me though, it is good just the way it is. Nicly done =)
The main conflict of Megan's story is that the main character, Claire, had first lost her husband in the war and then after losing him, trying to live with that hardship. This would be an internal conflct which is resolved when Claire falls in love again. I was very invested in the conflict because I thought the overall resolution and up's and down's of it very cute.
The main character changes a lot over time even though her changes are the same pattern from being extremely happy then being very depressed then very happen again from love and then the whole thing repeats. These changes however are very important to the story because the main character would not have met Jacob if she weren't depressed and her friends hadn't made her go out with them. It is also important because the conflict would never have been resolved.
My favorite part of the story was when Claire's friends pushed her to talk to Jacob which meant how much they knew she needed it and cared for her. This part came along in the exposition I'm pretty sure because it added sort of a new twist to the plot.
I think Megan's best quality in her story is the rising action because it sort of makes your heart turn too because we all know how hard it must be for someone to lose a loved one in the war. Also that Megan detailed the story really good so you could connect with Claire's feelings.
The theme of the story I think is that never give up on love because though something hard may happen or not the way you want it too, there will always be someone else out there for you.
I don't think Megan has to edit much but I think to make it even better I would add more detail into everything.
good job giiiiirl :)
1. My greatest change from my first draft to my final copy was probably that I added more detail. At first without my vocab words it wasn't as great but then when I added them I needed to add more detail so it would all fit and it really helped make everything better.
WILL FINISH LATER.. :)
ME CONTINUED..
2. I thought the comments were more helpful. It seemed more hands on and I thought it related to me and how I needed to fix things better.
3. I think my story's greatest strength was the theme. My theme is saying that the past is the past, just move on no matter how hard it is. I thought I did a good job portraying that.
4. The advice I would give to next year students would be to write something you really like writing about, because it makes the writing funner and easier. For example, love stories and realistic teen books are my favorite. So I chose to write a love story and it just came really easy to me.
vocabulry..
xenophobia- a fear of strangers.
This described how Claire was when she first went out after Brad's death.
willy- crafty or sly.
This described how Jacob was sitting at the table at dinner.
covey- group or flock.
this showed how many neighbors came over to help Claire after the phone call.
leery- suspicious.
This descibed how she felt when walking into dinner.
amicable- friendly / agreeable.
This described one of Brad's great features.
hamlet- a small village.
This was used when Claire was talking about her living in NYC and thinking a smalled town would make life easier.
benevolent- kind.
This is how she described Jacob.
taut- tense, high strung.
This is how she felt walking into dinner.
alleviate- to relieve or lessen.
That is how she felt when Jacob proposed, alleviated from Brad.
extol- to praise, to glorify.
Jacob extoled Claire for her strenghth.
cede- to assign or transfer.
Jacob was "ceded" to go to Iraq.
feeble- weak, frail.
How Claire felt after the phone call.
pallor- paleness.
This described how Brad looked.
quanday- a dillema or difficulty.
This is what Jacob didn't want, hence why he never told Claire about the army.
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